Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Parenting Forum Stereotypes- Which are you?


The Perfect Natural Mother- They had a home water birth, they exclusively breastfed until 6 months when they BLW. They own a plethora of cloth nappies and beautiful woven wraps. They didn't vaccinate, plan to home educate and are probably vegetarian. Baby co-slept until they decided they wanted their own cot and is reported to have never cried.

The Not-so-Perfect Natural Mother- They planned to do everything the Perfect Natural Mother did. But somewhere it all went wrong. The cloth nappies now sit upstairs in a cupboard. Bold statements made in pregnancy have now turned into cautionary tales to expectant mothers. They are currently considering CIO.

The Mainstream Mother- She breastfed until 3/4 months, switched to formula "for her own reasons". Baby sleeps in a cot, wears disposables, rides in a pram and was TW from about 5 months before moving onto finger foods. The Mainstream Mother has no intention of trying any of the wacky ideas of the Perfect Natural Mother.

Mrs Supportive- She might do everything different to you but she "understands".  Combi-feed?- She doesn't do it herself but she understand. CIO? She wouldn't do it herself but she understands. She'll turn up in any controversial thread and try to make peace but will be either ignored or cause the argument to flare up even more by upsetting the opposing side.

The Working Mum- She's been back at work since baby was 6 weeks old, but somehow manages to post more frequently than any SAHM.

The Breastfeeding Expert- She knows everything there is to know about breastfeeding. From tongue ties to thrush she has the answers. She generally avoids BF v FF arguments and sticks to giving advice but has unknowing started several of the most epic arguments on your forum.

The Babywearing Expert-She turns up in every sling and carrier thread to give advice and is quick to point out when you plan to buy a "Crotch Dangler". Recently she has started posting in pram and stroller threads too. You suspect her eagerness to post may have something to do with promoting the Sling Library she has linked in her signature.

The Cloth Nappy Expert- She is best friends with the Babywearing Expert. Her posts reel off a number of 3 letter acronyms you don't understand.

The Pro-Breast Feeders- Although they think their knowledge matches that of the breastfeeding expert, most advice is generally repeated parrot fashion. Generally found in BF v FF threads making statements that receive as many "likes" as possible.

The Pro-Formula Feeders- If someone starts wailing on formula feeding they are there ready to give their side of the story. They know several people who were FF and have an IQ of Einstein and a fair few people who were BF and had allergies. Generally found in BF v FF threads making statements that receive as many "likes" as possible.

The Fearless Formula Feeder- She had a rough time breastfeeding and had to switch. She now supports FF with a passion. She's pro-formula times a thousand over.

The Stat-Mama- She has statistics and links for every argument going. It doesn't matter what the argument, she will have statistics and evidence to back up her side. Her posts are generally ignored as most people can't be bothered to read them.

The Teenager- You've been talking to her for months. You assumed she was a 30 year old graduate, possibly a teacher or something who left her job to become a SAHM. Then someone starts a thread asking peoples ages and you find out she's 17.

The Troll- They have 1 post. It reads "I think people who formula feed are bad".

The Moderator- You have just spent the last half an hour replying to a very controversial thread on the forum. Your post is brilliant, not only will it tip the argument but it will end the CC/CIO debate in your favour for ever. You go and post only to find the thread has been locked by a moderator. You've seen few posts from the moderator other than "This thread has got out of hand and we are locking it". You vow to post faster next time.

Mrs Tell It How It Is- She's the opposite of Mrs Supportive. She will just come out and say it. She's never overly nasty but doesn't beat around the bush. When you tried to copy her style you found yourself with 5 pages of arguments and a 2 day ban.

The Text-Speaker- U tnd 2 ignr her psts az u cnt rd thm.

The Drama Queen- She's an over sharer and her life sucks. She's probably been in and out of hospital with the baby and at least 3 family members have died or are critically ill. She may have lost her home too. You always suspected something didn't add up but then started to feel sorry for her. Still you weren't surprised to log on one day and find her account closed and a drama thread where she had been revealed to be a troll freshly locked. At least it gives you something to read during nap time.

1 comment:

Fiona Campbell said...

Haha. This is hilarious! Love it. :) Alas, I am most probably "Mrs Supportive". I mean well though. :p x